I was in high school at the time and people thought I was weird for breaking up over that His head was too small. Like freakish, shrunken head small.
Dating protocol? Anything but the Costanza Rule - Chicago Tribune
He was a big dude 6'4 pounds, with this tiny child size head I could completely wrap my tiny girl hands around. My friend still call him Tiny Head Paul. She refused to eat anything besides chicken nuggets and french fries. If we went somewhere without nuggets and fries she would just order a Coke and watch me eat.
I once made the mistake of cooking dinner for her. This girl who only ate McNuggets from the age of two is still alive: Every time I yawned she thought it hilarious if she stuck her finger in my open mouth. I could never relax…always had to be prepared for oral violation. It amazes me that my cat never wises up to this. If she yawns near me, I put my finger in her mouth. She always looks at me like "what in 12 fucks was that" as if it hasn't happened three times a week for 15 years.
I grab my dog's tongue when he licks my hand. I don't do it hard or roughly or anything, I just hold his tongue so he can't put it back in his mouth. He looks at me and at my hand and back at me. Is this a punishment or a reward or what?
After I let go, his tongue just hangs out of his face for like a minute and he stops licking my hand for a few hours. But he always forgets. If only there was a sanitary habit of not exposing your mouth like it's some sort of early visual cue for air traffic. Something that would involve somehow covering that temporary chasm The commuting distribution was wildly uneven!
One guy ate like a t-rex. He would keep his elbows by his side while he ate and leaned over to get his food off his fork.
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Another guy had no shape to the back of his head. His neck just went straight up. My most george constanza-esque moment was why i didnt break up with her. She was bat shit crazy and i once had missed calls from her in a day. But holy fuckkk could her mom cook.. She had a mole on her eyelid.
Every time I kissed her I saw it when I was leaning in.
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I started having dreams that the mole was talking to me That was the end. No joke, and I didn't see the Seinfeld episode long after we'd broke up, but she had the manliest fucking man-hands a man could ever hand. I thought I would be ok with it but I wasn't. She would belch like a trucker, and then look at me excitedly for approval. One time she forced the belch too hard, and threw up in her own lap like a sick dog.
Thanks for the visual and traumatizing video, everyone! This was many, many years ago probably '92 or so. I was out shopping with a girl and we stopped in at the Gap. She picked out a skirt or some pants or whatever, and when she went up to pay for them, the woman at the register asked her if she needed a pair of matching socks. My girlfriend happily said "Yes", and I thought that totally unacceptable, that she could be so quickly and easily swayed to make yet another purchase. You find something so trivial like this to break it off, and only after you act you realize that it could have been wonderful if used in your favor.
She always ordered food, ate half of it, then ate half of mine. Then she would offer to share what she ordered, but I didn't like the stuff she ordered. She bought me a sweater and showed up at my work to give it to me. We had only been dating for a week or so.
Man, I dated a girl like that in college.
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When my friends refused to learn her name and just called her hat girl, I knew it was time to end it. She always said "I don't mind" as the answer to every question put to her. What film do you want to see? What do you want from the chippy?
What club do you want to go to tonight? Always "I don't mind" so I would make a choice only to be met with. She had a smell. It wasn't a bad smell. It was quite pleasant. Everyone likes her smell.
Dating protocol? Anything but the Costanza Rule
I only date women that don't have any smell at all now. She held her fork overhanded, as in the shovel technique. You can't take someone like that anywhere. We had planned to do dinner and a movie but I had to work late, so we stopped at Chik-Fil-A on the way to the theater. After she finished eating, she threw her trash out of my car and into the street.
I never spoke to her again after that day. He didn't eat anything but potatoes, peanut butter, and ramen. He wasn't a broke college student, just a fucking picky eater. The moment was when I saw her shit. Not the verb, the noun. She had to use the bathroom at my place before we hopped in the shower together, and as I'm undressing and ready to hop in, I see this giant floater. I avert my eyes, hoping she'll notice and do something about it. She doesn't even seem to care! So I put the lid down at least and she says, "I think there's something wrong with your toilet. Okay, so not only is there a gross shit in my toilet that broke the spell of this image of a beautiful woman, but now she's blaming me for it!
That stuff pisses me off.
After a few weeks we break up. A couple months later I go to use my toilet and notice a floater. I knew I had flushed last time I used it and I watched the shit get sucked away, but it had resurfaced. Apparently the pressure is just low enough in my toilet that sometimes the shit gets sucked away, but not out of the bend in the toilet, and can inch it's way back and surprise you the next time you go to use it.
So wait, maybe she was right, I thought, maybe there is something wrong with my toilet. And I think back to that night and realized I had taken a dump right before she came over.
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So not only was my toilet really broken, but it had been MY shit in the toilet all along that had turned me off from her. I thought my floater was hers, and the grossness of it coupled with her lack of taking responsibility for her shit turned me off. It turns out it was my shit all along and she was trying to be forgiving and graceful about it. This was actually the subject of a huge fight between me and my SO. He always poops before going to bed, and this one particular night that's what he did I was already in bed.